I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
