non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
