i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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