I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
whose parrot is this?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
