I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
