but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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