she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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