Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
