We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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