girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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