Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
