I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
