I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
