I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
