I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
