well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
