you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
