his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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