can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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