plz talk dirty to me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
