Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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