I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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