peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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