i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
