i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found puke in my bra..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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