Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
