Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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