This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
