Nicole vs. Life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
