wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
