we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
