In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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