i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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