you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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