if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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