i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
