as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
