When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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