Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was born a porn star she said
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
