At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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