my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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