there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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