When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
