Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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