Kiss
Puke
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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