david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There are leaves in my underwear?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
