And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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