Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
