So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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