Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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