Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
