Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
