We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
