Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
