On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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